Word Weld

It’s almost Valentine’s Day once more. But this article won’t talk much about Valentine’s Day. There’s a lot of different thoughts on the subject, including commercialism, social pressure, loneliness and longing, just to name a few. Whatever Valentine’s Day is or isn’t, it is certainly a time when people start to think about love. Many articles, books, and programs try to delve into the nature of what true love is. Of course, by adding “true” to something we are implying that false versions exist. And there are false versions of each of the four distinctions of love: divine, erotic, familial, and friendship. Love is a vast concept and is therefore often misunderstood, but the truth of the matter is that love is inextricably married (pun intended) to sacrifice.

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
– John 15:13

A mother who loves her children sacrifices her time, rest, and comfort (and sometimes food) for them. A husband who loves his wife sacrifices legal ownership of all of his substance to her, so that even if she did not earn money and pay for the house, it is as much hers as his. Jesus perfectly illustrated love by being willing to accept not only death, but torture, and the separation from God that is the deepest essence of Hell.

1st Kings Chapter 3 tells the story of the wise Hebrew king, Solomon, blessed by God with not only the greatest and wealthiest kingdom of the day, but more wisdom than any man excepting Jesus Himself. In Chapter 3 two harlots come before the Solomon with a baby, and tell a grim and terrible tale: they both became pregnant from their “profession,” had their children, and one night one of the children died tragically. The mother of the dead child then switched the children, and thus the living child’s real mother was bringing the case before Solomon, in an effort to recover her child. The story is famous, even among unbelievers, because of Solomon’s wise response. He declared that logic and equity would dictate the child be divided in two and the halves given to each woman. Solomon was performing a test of love. He knew that there was a better than average chance that the real mother loved that child, for God made women to love their own children. When they do not, it is unnatural. Solomon knew that if the child’s mother truly loved him, she would be willing to give him up, rather than see him slain. Her love would sacrifice for him.

We all know how the story ends. Love sacrifices for the object of the love, and there are many ways to sacrifice for our love of someone else. For my wife, time is an acceptable sacrifice of love, while to myself, a loving word or a meaningful touch make a world of difference. True love is willing to sacrifice even its own happiness and, if necessary, its well-being, for the one loved. Since Solomon did not know the truth, he feigned an appeal to reason and equity, knowing a real mother would rather sacrifice her own. As someone who has a strong zeal for equity, fairness, and a deep appreciation for math and logic, I can see how to some Solomon’s solution if carried out would seem reasonable, despite the fact that it is actually reprehensible. The truth is, logic and numbers are beyond the scope of love. Naturally, sacrifice does not make sense. Animals seek survival at any cost, including the death of other animals. Love, on the other hand, cares nothing for self-survival. It is illogical, yet critical to our existence. The great English Preacher and essayist F. W. Boreham puts it this way:

There is a sense in which two and two are four,
The plane of ledgers and cashbooks – on which these propositions are approximately sound.
But if you rise from that plane to a loftier one,
You will find at once that they are untenable.
It is obviously untrue that half-a-baby and half-a-baby make a baby.
Let the sword do its deadly work.
The two halves of a baby make no baby at all.
On this higher plane of human sentiment and experience, the laws of mathematics collapse completely.
When a man distributes his wealth among his children, he gives to each a part.
But when a woman distributes her love among her children, she gives it all to each.
No man who has once fallen in love will ever be persuaded that one and one are only two,
He looks at her, and feels that one plus one would be a million.
No happy couple into the sweet shelter of whose home a little child has come will ever be convinced that two and one are only three,
Life has been enriched a thousandfold by the addition of that one little life to theirs,
And I am certain that no pair from whose clinging and protecting arms their treasure has been snatched will find comfort in the assurance that one from three leaves two.
In the great crises of life one’s faith in figures breaks down hopelessly.
– F. W. Boreham, The Sword of Solomon [emphasis mine]

This quote touches me deeply because here in February my wife and I celebrate our romantic love because of Valentine’s Day, our youngest daughter’s birthday, and also the month in which our Lost fourth child would have been born. There is no math in love. It is a saying, immortalized in film, that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. But the truth is that numbers have nothing to do with it. A man might lay down his life for his wife, or for his children, or a couple might lay down their lives for their child. A soldier might lay down his life for his squad mates, yet a squad might risk their own lives to save just one of their own. When a man truly loves his wife, one plus one does become a million, or perhaps infinity. If you want to know what true love is, that is simple. It is sacrifice. Sacrifice that cares only for the best interests of the person loved.

Sometimes that is difficult. Sometimes sacrifices are not personal. For parents must sometimes sacrifice their child’s immediate happiness for their long-term good. Sometimes a husband or wife must sacrifice their spouse’s feelings to solve an issue between them, rather than let it take root and fester. Sometimes a man must be willing to hurt a friendship, or even end it, rather than condone his friend’s wrongful actions by saying nothing.

This Valentine’s Day, let’s try to think of what we can do for those we love, especially our significant other. Let’s take some time out, and not just spend a little money. Let’s put some thought into our relationship, and truly make an effort, engage our minds as well as our hands.